No one can deny the romantic beauty of a couple's first dance together after the ceremony.  A well-planned and executed dance can be the highlight  of the occasion.  The key words here are well planned.  Unfortunately, many couples have little professional help when it comes to this part of the ceremony.  It is our purpose to enlighten you on this subject.  Our advice here is the result of over 30 years of dealing with married couples preparing for their first dance.  We hope it is a big help in making your first dance as a mariied couple a wonderful memory.

 

I.   The Planning Stages.

About six months prior to the wedding itself, you should decide if you want to dance at the reception.  This should be done before the decision of the reception site.  The decision to dance at the reception will determine the choice of venue.  Some places are not designed with dancing in mind since they may have a small space or may be carpeted and it is difficult for professionals to dance on carpet.  Some churches have religious convictions against dancing, and you may cause an unpleasant interlude. So it is best to check ahead.

 

Once the decision to dance has been made, then the next step is to decide who will dance with whom.  Of course the bride and groom will dance first, but other special dances can be performed by the bride with her father; the groom with his mother; the bride with her new father-in-law; the groom with his new mother-in-law, and any other combination imaginable.  You will need to get permission from the others to see if they are willing to participate, especially if it means an investment in lessons.

 

The next decision is the choice of the type of music.  Do you plan to dance to live music or pre-recorded music?  If you choose to dance to live music, you will need to discover the extent of the musicians repetoire to see if they can accomodate your needs.  If you choose pre-recorded music, then you must decide on a DJ.  Ask about his equipment and if he has the type of music you want and need.  It is a good idea to ask for references for both musicians and DJ's since you don't want to hire a flake.  At this time, you can decide the songs that comprise the first dance or dances.  If you have a song that is special to you or expresses what you want to say to each other, then choose it.  This will give you a working plan and remember that you can always change your mind later.

 

The next decision involves the dancing it self.  If you can't dance already. it would be advisable to invest in a few lessons.  The best way to start is to collect all the information you can on the various dance schools in the area.  The recommendation of a friend who was recently married may help here. Otherwise, you will need to be careful though, since many parts of the country do not have any organized means of testing or licensing dance teachers.  In the state of Georgia, for instance, the only requirement needed to teach dancing is to convince someone to buy lessons from you.  Find out what types of programs are offered at the various schools and check on prices.  This is very important since the prices for lessons may vary widely from school to school.  Many schools will offer low-priced specials to get you started and then attempt to switch you to higher priced programs later.  They may also require you to purchase a minimum number if lessons.  If a school will not discuss their prices with you over the phone, then a red flag should be raised in your mind.  They may practice high-pressure sales techniques and want to take you into a closed office, fast-talking you into spending a lot of money.  The most honest schools will not hesitate to talk to you and answer all your questions over the phone or online and will not be afraid to send you information in the mail or online about thier services and may even include prices for you to study.  If you can't get the information in the mail, then visit the schools.  The best time to go will be in the early evening since most dance schoools teach most of their lessons later in the day unless the majority of their clients are retired senior citizens.  Find out when they have their practice parties and see if you can go and observe.  If they say no, then they may have something to hide.  If you can find ex-students, talk to them.  Try to find several since one or two may not be an accurate survey of the teacher's ability or the legitimacy of the school.  You can also check the Better Business Bureau, but they can only tell you if there are any complaints against the school and if they were resolved satisfactorily.  This will tell you how will they do with customers and any problems that every business has occasionally.  You can also check the internet, however, be aware that the internet has no filter.  Anyone can say anything and what is said on many assesment sites may not be true.  We have known of occasions when a school's competitor bombards a site with negative comments in order to hurt that school.  (Yes, unfortunately, there are people in the world like this.)

 

Finally, ask if the school will allow you to take a complimentary lesson to try them out first.

 

II.  The Learning Stages.

You have finished the planning stages and now you are ready to move on to the learning stages.  You have picked your school and have decided to enroll in some lessons.  Be prepared to invest in enough lessons to allow you to remember your dancing under the pressure of being in front of an audience.  The last thing you want to happen is to forget your routine in front of your friends and family.  If you allow yourself enough training to transfer your routine into you long-term memory, then there will be little danger of drawing a blank during your routine.  This advice is especially important to the man.  We tell the men that they only think about the wedding when it happens but the lady has been planning her wedding since she was a little girl.  We recommend that you give yourself a couple of months to accomplish this phase of your plan.

 

When you meet your instructor for the first lesson, be sure to bring your chosen  music for your routine if you have managed to have music already chosen.  Let your teacher listen to the music and tell you what dance would best suit the rhythm of the song.  If you have not chosen your music yet, ask to learn a variety of dance styles and rhythms as you seek for music.  Ask your instructor's advice if you are stuck without a wedding song.

 

Have your instructor help you with your choreography.  A good instructor will keep the choreography simple without a lot of memorization work. The best type or routine is one that uses generic figures with a couple of tricks such as dips placed at strategic spots in the song.

Try to find a school that will allow you the flexibility to practice your dancing outside of your lessons.  Many schools will have regular dance parties scheduled so you can practice your general dance skills.  Find out if they will allow you to practice in you spare time on their floor.    Once you have your routine planned. then practice,practice, practice.

 

It would not hurt to video the routine for a visual reference.  Just don't let the video discourage you.  Everyone thinks they look worse on video than they do in real life.  Video is a two-dimensional medium so people seem heavier on video and video is usually filmed in 35mm focal length while the human eye in nearer to 50mm so video oftens looks slower because it is a wide angle shot.  

 

In the practice phase of your routine, there are several things you will need to consider.  The first thing involves the man learning to dance around the lady's dress.  Most gowns are very long and the man must learn to take care not to lift his feet too high and run the risk of stepping on the bride's dress.  There have been times when we have seen the man do this and tear the skirt, much to his new bride's dismay. If it is at all possible, then practice in the dress.  If the bride wants the groom to wait to see her dress, then practice in a dress with a similar length and and style or practice in the lady's slip.  Likewise, the lady must also take care not to step on the dress when she steps back, which could result in a stumble or a fall.  Also, determine what will be done with the bustle if there is one.

 

The next thing to consider is for both partners to practice in the shoes they will use.  This will insure that the shoes will not be a problem.  Nothing can distract you worse t hat trying to dance in shoes that hurt your feet.  You should also consider wearing shoes with leather soles.  Rubber-soled shoes don't slide well and artificial soles can be too slippery.

 

It would be a good idea to discover how large the dance floor will be at your reception site and adjust your training floor at your school to this size.  Many dance schools have larger floors than the reception site and you will be able to adjust your dancing in a similar way so that it does not come as a big surprise on the big day.  Think of your audience and try to keep all your poses and tricks so the main audience is not watching the bride's backside.

 

Lastly, as you dance, think of posiible photographic opportunities during the routine.  Once you determine where these opportunites lie, then make a note of them for the photographer.  One way to find these opportunites is to have your teacher observe or film your routine.

 

III.  The Execution Stages.

You have made your plans and then learned your routine.  Now it is time.  The big day has arrived.  There are a few things to do to insure that everyting works without a hitch.  You should take a few minutes at the rehearsal if at all possible to practice your routine.  If religious objection prevent you from practicing at the rehearsal, then you should find somewhere to practice even if it is in your mother-in-law's kitchen.  The man should review his routine without his bride to insure that it is fresh in his memory.  If he cannot practice then he should at least run through his routine in his mind.

 

The next thing to do around the time of the rehearsal is to double-check the music.  Do you have the needed sound equipment available?  If the song is to be layed by a band then make sure the band knows the song.  Always have a back-up for your music.  Have it on a CD, a portable hard-drive, and on a phone or I-pod or pad.  

 

On the day of the reception, give someone you trust the responsibility to insure that all things go according to schedule.  A good choice for this job would be the Best Man or Maid of Honor.  Let the Best Man, or the Maid of Honor also introduce you for your dance.  You could let the DJ or band leader do this job as well but if there is an unusual name on the list, then make sure the person designated for the introduction can pronounce it.

 

It would be wise to resist the temptation to take a few drinks to calm your nerves.  You may become so calm that you forget everything you have learned.  It would be wiser to dance first and then drink to your heart's content.  True professionals rely on their nerves to improve their performance.  There is nothing wrong with having "butterflies in the stomach" before performing.  The trick lies in "getting them to fly in formation".

 

Just before you start your dance, take several deep breaths.  Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.  This will help you ease some of the performance anxiety.  When you are nervous, there is a tendency to take very shallow breaths and this results is an accerlerated heart rate.  Which results in more nervousness thus creating a vicious circle.

 

Remember the body movement is more important than foot placement.  Simple footwork with smooth graceful body movement is better that complex footwork with clumsy movement.  You are communicating to your audience.  Human communicate through their face and hands.  Look at your partner and not your feet.  If you have hand movements, make sure they are appropriate and not mechanical.  You plan is to make everyone watching you weep with joy because of the romantic sight they are watching.  A little pep talk yo can give yourself is one we have used with students just before a show.  "We may not be the best dancers in town but we are the best they have tonight."

 

Finally, let the phtographer know where you may want photos during the dancing.  A ggod place would be during the poses and at the end of the dance.  If you can the photographer to watch the watch the routine during a practice seesion, then by all means,do so.  You may also want to have a back-up plan for dance pictures.  Have a trusted friend or relatives there with a camera standing by to take candid shots of the dancing just in case the photographer misses the opportunity.  Some people leave disposable cameras on the reception tables for this purpose.

 

IV.  Conclusion

We hope this essay was a major help as you were planning your wedding dance.  You can follow it religiously, or take what you want and leave the rest.  Remember, it is important ot have fun.  

 

Finally, it is a good idea to check back with your dance teacher after the wedding.  As teachers, we always like to hear from our wedding students and to see the photographs and videos of the performance.  We also like to have any feedback concerning the performance so we can learn how to imprive our teaching for future couples.

 

 

© 1998 by Kenneth Howard- All Rights Reserved